Dear Taylor,
My name is Don; I’ve been an avid fan of yours ever since I laid my ears on the very first song that became an instant hit here in the Philippines. And ever since, your songs have always been a therapy, theme songs and best of all, my best friend.
I’m writing this because I’m just so sad that I did not make it to your Red Concert in Manila. It’s very unfortunate; however, in my absence in that stadium is the presence of the memories running back through your songs I’m listening now.
The impact of the lyrics told to me became the instant advice; some became the sudden realization; and some became the voice that words can’t be described on my own.
Remember the time when you said ‘I can see it now’? I did, and always have been daydreaming of a future together with someone I really like even when I just met him. It takes me years ahead, flash forward to the times that it’s supposed to be, which I’m hoping to be. It’s a rollercoaster ride; ups and downs, loving and saying goodbyes, yet still lasts forever until we get old thinking he’s the best thing that’s ever been mine. Yeah, I saw it.
Those uncharted moments when everything is just so uninteresting but then I suddenly saw this guy in the crowd and no words to describe it but, ‘It was enchanting’. It’s the best of the best feelings: first enchanting meetings, in which you felt sparks and never letting go. I was just wonderstruck walking back way home thinking about that same guy over and over; blushing and laughing. Then, I remembered looking straight at that guy and telling him the exact words I held back in my mind that you also said, ‘Please don’t be in love with someone else, please don’t have somebody waiting on you.’ And at that moment, everything felt flawless.
When you correlated emotions to the colors Blue, Grey and Red… it was just the perfect metaphor for the strong and inaudible emotions I felt for the times I fell in love. You told me that.
And on the saddest experiences in my life; falling in love and getting hurt and just being sad about it… you were just there, saying the words even I can’t dare think or ponder about. When you were helping me reminisce the beautiful past of a failed relationship in exact words like ‘wind in my hair, I was there, I remember it all too well’. Maybe my relationship got lost in translation, maybe I asked for too much and surely that relationship was a masterpiece until he tore it all apart. I was a crumpled up piece of paper lying, broken hearted… just like what you descrribed.
Another sad experience was regretting something and wished for him to come back like he would if this life was a movie and true to what you said: freedom ain’t nothing but just missing that person… I would surely go back to that month all the time and make it all right.
Remember the times when you were with me on my path for revenge? When I felt like it was too unfair on my part that he left me with someone he doesn’t even know that much? It really felt like sabotage. And you helped me with my revenge by saying ‘sophistication isn’t what you wear and what you know’ and ‘no amount of vintage dresses gives you dignity’ which truly describes that person who looked clueless but totally bitching her way to him. She might have him, but I’d always have the last word. Whatever.
When I had just the worst relationship ever, and people are asking me if we’d get back, and I’m just like, ‘We’re NEVER EVER EVER EVER GETTING BACK TOGETHER’, and just dance about it instead… which will be awkward. Haha!
Then on my high school days… let’s add college days, where every guy I loved felt like someone I will never touch because I’m just invisible in his heart. The times where they liked some girls but I know deeply that they will never love this guy the way I will love him though. It’s hyperly hopeless romantic.
Those times when I was so deeply in love but you just couldn’t push it through because of hurtful things happened, and on that very separation stage; you have his number and you just wished to call him because you miss him and you want everything back, but you just can’t because you can’t risk another goodbye… yeah, I almost do.
But the fact that you just taught me to fall in love, get hurt and rise back to your feet, take risks and just be fearless became the best principle you taught me. I learned to take it slow, capture moments, remember it, dance in the rain, just fall in love, head-first, fearless.
Those funny times where we thought, daydreaming of things like ranting to a wedding and telling the guy not to marry that girl because she’s not worth it, because I am. It was just so hilarious, I couldn’t help myself. You said to me, ‘Speak now, or forever hold your peace’, and instantly I became the person who tells people what I feel the need to be told.
When falling in love will often be not to the right person, when knocking on someone’s door might be trouble, and you have no one to blame but only you. When loving someone who only thinks of himself instead of the relationship. It was just the worst!
When realizing that I have grown up, we have grown up, and looking back not on the happy thoughts but on the hurtful things we’ve been through and looking in the future for more of it: it’s just so scary, wishing we would just never grow up? But you can’t.
Whenever my partner and I fight; I always remember the things that you said that were exactly describing me whenever it happens. The words like, ‘I said ‘leave’ but all I really want is you’ and ‘when I left I wanted you to chase after me’. It’s really stupid and predictable, but that’s me and that’s what loving someone’s supposed to be, chasing, isn’t it? Then words scramble in my mind trying to get out of my mouth like the things you said in that song yet all you wanted to say is ‘I need you.’
And with that, I just told my partner “STAY, STAY, STAY”. Haha! It’s all so crazy… falling in love.
Those memories when I was with a guy who was too vain about himself and did not make me happy which all ended, and I was never really hoping to fall in love again; everything was just dark and for the past months all I thought that love has ever done was to break, burn and end… but then, eventually, you will meet that one guy that will take it all away, appreciate you, love you and laugh at your jokes… and you suddenly realize: you watched love begin again.
When you told me that falling in love worlds away is falling in love in the cruelest way was just so true, especially when my partner was gone away for days.
Love really is a ruthless game unless you play it good and right.
And then there’s when we hang out together in our twenties but we don’t know anything about life and it’s AWESOME. We were happy, free, confused and lonely in the best way. Doing crazy things with friends and just dancing our hearts away singing to the song we know and just be awkward about it. And you told me, ‘Everything will be alright if we just keep dancing like we’re 22.’ And we realized that life will just fall into place in the right time.
I have to admit, my heart shattered just by watching videos of you having your concert in Manila and not being able to be there, jumping around and screaming my lungs out still I know one day we’ll meet and tell you stories about everything that I just told here. And I know you’ll make songs that will surely be the next theme songs of my life and love, will inspire and most especially will be my new best friends.
Cheers! And keep it coming!
Your crazy fan,
Don
One Setting Travels 